A Deep Slow Panic
by myonlyheroin
Summary: NM AU—It has been two years since I left her behind. Two years to the exact date. My chest rises and falls in fast succession as her heart beat thundered against my ears. She's here, I'm here and dark anxiousness sets in. Will this be our final undoing?
1. prologue

**Hey guys! Here is another story idea that I've been sitting on for a bit, and I thought since today is my birthday, I'd give you guys a present from me. I do hope you guys like it! There is no posting schedule, but I do promise no more than a two week wait for a chapter, just like how it was with The Missing.**

**I borrowed the title from this AFI song, which also helped me with writing coming up with this story. If you should want to listen: www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=aA2YkYHh1Ho (just take out the spaces and the dots)**

**Thanks to Darcysmom for betaing and my pre-readers for all of their help with this one. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight or the characters are not mine. I just like to play with them. No copyright infringement intended.**

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**Prologue**

When I kissed her, I felt the goodbye imprinted on her lips the moment I pulled away.

When I promised I wouldn't go to her room that night, I watched as her heart shattered in her eyes.

She knew.

She knew I was leaving

I left anyway.

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**Thank you for taking another chance on one of my stories. I hope you like and stick around for the ride. **


	2. Chapter 1

**Here is the first chapter, I am going to try to have another up sometime this upcoming week. I have 5 chapters written for it so far, but a complete outline for it.**

**Thanks to Darcysmom for betaing and to my pre-readers and all of their help.**

**Enjoy! **

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A bell tolled in the far distance as lightning lights up the dark night sky. My body is a live wire, anxious and filled with adrenaline as I dropped my latest kill. The warm blood soothed the ache to a dull pang.

Thunder rolled as my mind was assaulted with memories of her, of us and everything in between.

Two years. Two years since I left her with nothing but a selfish goodbye and a broken heart. Two years of me going back and forth on going to her or staying away.

I had reached the end of my rope. I couldn't take it anymore.

I was tired of running,hiding from her. I battled with myself when it came to going back to her. But how do I go back and face the destruction that I left in my wake?

The blackness seeped in and took a hold of me, just as it always did whenever I thought of her.

_The last kiss we shared burned on my lips as I sat and stared out my window, wondering if I should stay or go, follow through with my plan of leaving Bella after the disaster that was her birthday party._

_I struggled to find a way to stay that would outweigh my reasons to leave her._

_I came up empty._

_The more I thought about it, the more anxious I became and paced my room in a nervous wreck, I wrung my hands, unsure of what to do with myself. My breath came in short pants, my world wanting to go black on me the faster I breathed. I was at war with myself and the right versus the wrong thing to do when it came to Bella._

_I've struggled since the first day in the Biology lab. I should've left then when I hadn't made such a huge impact on her and allowed her fall in love with me. I should have left before I could shatter her._

_I paced some more, my mind raced with thoughts of staying and leaving. I sat at my couch, my leg bouncing as fast as I could let it as I wondered what it would be like if I stayed._

_Would she forgive me for my moment of worry and second guessing myself and us?_

_When I leave, if I leave, will she be happy? Will she still think of me as I will undoubtedly think of her? Will she wonder about us, and what we could have been, or find a new love?_

_My chest hurt, filled with dark pain at the thought of her being with anyone else._

_Sometime around midnight, I became resolute on what I would do, no matter how much it hurt. I hoped that it would hurt me more than it would hurt her._

_The last day of attending classes with her, I watched her throughout the day. I could sense that she knew. She was nervous, constantly wringing her hands, her eyes darting back and forth to look at me as she bit her lip. Her arms wrapped around her middle as a tear escaped. I watched as she hurried out of the classroom, not even waiting for me._

_She was trying to run away from the hurt that was coming._

_Hours later made me realize just how wrong I could be, I had hurt her worse than I ever thought I'd allow myself to do._

_The words I said and how I said them, telling her I was leaving,and with the final blow of "I don't want you." shattered what love she had left for me. Her eyes became instantly void of the brightness they once held, her breaths came quicker as tears fell._

_Instead of trying to take my words back and comfort her, I left her there, broken and alone._

_I did what I came to do._

_I ended the only good thing in my existence and I hated myself for it._

Funny things, regrets. They have a way of following you around, pestering you, until you give in and try to fix where you went wrong. Some stick with you until your last days, but I was determined to not live with this one like I had for the past two years.

_How had I stayed away from her for so long?_

I looked around the apartment I was now renting in northern France. It was sparse, empty and devoid of any life really. I sometimes found myself wondering how Bella would have set up this apartment, what she would decorate it with, how we would live together and mesh our lives up perfectly.

I thought of her often, which to be honest, was all the time. There wasn't a moment she wasn't on my mind. She was in my head with everything I did. Not a moment went by without me wondering of what could be, what should be.

My eyes landed on a lone suitcase that held my clothes and limited possessions as I thought about packing and booking a flight. The only problem I had was selecting my landing destination. Do I go to Forks? Florida? Where was Bella now? And worst of all, was she with anyone?

Another pang hit me as the hurt in my chest renewed.

I selfishly hoped she was alone, missing me as much as I was missing her.

I placed my last piece of clothing in my suitcase just as my phone rang. I have kept in contact with the rest of my family, not as much as they would like, but I still talked to them when I felt up to it.

Talking to Esme hurt, for she reminded me of the mom Bella should have.

I answered my phone, knowing instantly who it was.

"Yes, Alice?"

"I've booked you a flight already, your email should have the details. See you soon, brother." she said and promptly hung up.

My chest began to tighten again as I looked at my email on my phone.

Landing destination: Rochester, New York.

Connecting flight and layover in London from Paris.

An incoming text chimed as I closed out my email.

**You have a car waiting for you for your drive in to Paris. Be prepared for an interesting flight.**

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**Look forward to what you guys think so far. Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 2

**I want to thank you all for following, listing this story in your faves and reviewing! You guys have made me so happy to know you guys are liking this so far. I hope you continue to!**

**Thanks to Darcysmom for betaing and my pre-readers for reading for me. **

**Enjoy. **

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**Chapter 2-**

As I looked out the window at the town car below, waiting for me for my trip to Paris, I felt like I was crawling out of my own skin. The nervousness took hold as I wavered on whether or not I really should begin my journey back home, if feeling like this was really worth it.

Alice's message didn't help.

I finally forced myself to grab my luggage and head down to the car where a driver was waiting for me. With a nod to the driver as he set my luggage in the trunk, I climbed in and had a sudden urge to run, escape, anything to not face whatever it was I would be facing.

Why did this seem so hard?

I nervously sat down and stared out my window as the driver pulled away from the building. France was surprisingly warm in September, with blue skies, rolling hills and tall, green trees as we drove past, making our way to Paris.

But the green was all wrong. It wasn't the dark, wet green that I had come to love back in Forks. And that line of thinking led me on a dark path of memories of a place I called home, a home I yearned to get back.

I pressed my head against the glass, closing my eyes, trying to shut out image after image of _her._ But I couldn't, they hit me like a freight train, hard and fast. The meadow, my room, her room. Kisses that I wanted to deepen, but was too afraid to. Nights of watching her sleep while I ached to hold her.

And then that day... the day that changed everything replayed over and over, just like it had every day since I left.

Thumping my head on the window, I clenched my eyes shut as a deep, aching pain overtook my chest. I rubbed at my chest, hoping to alleviate the pain, but nothing came. As I opened my eyes, and noticed we were now entering Paris, the pangs in my chest hit me harder, deeper.

I was doing this. Really doing this. I was making my way closer and closer to facing my family again, and possibly Bella. I was more scared to face her now, then I was when I ran away to Denali when she first came to Forks.

The traffic as we entered the city center was congested and slow moving. It made me feel caged in with no where to run.

"Don't worry, Mr. Cullen. We should still make it to the airport with plenty of time to spare." My driver said, his French accent thick and heavy.

I just nodded and looked out the window when I felt the urge to have the driver turn the car aroundshould have said, but I didn't. I continued to stare out the window at slow moving cars and contemplated how the next few hours would go.

Once we arrived at the airport, with two hours to spare, I checked in and handed over my luggage. I robotically handed off my passport and I.D. I tuned out what the woman at the counter was saying.

I simply didn't care. I felt as if I was heading to the gallows, and this would be my last flight on this earth. Deep down I knew that everything was changing, that this flight would change me. I didn't know why or who, just that it would.

Security was a nightmare. I cursed Alice in my head for not chartering a private plane. The less people around me, touching me, searching me and my belongings, the better. My eyes wandered as the line crept at a snail's pace. I tried to take in my surroundings, hoping maybe my family would surprise me and be here, that maybe that was why I was feeling the way that I was, that I could feel them near, but even I knew that was wishful thinking.

As I made it through security, a woman, maybe in her 30's, had the deepest, warmest brown eyes and instantly reminded me of Bella. Her hair was the wrong color, and much too short. She smelled of cigarette smoke and cheap perfume. Nothing like my Bella.

I soon left her behind and began my trek to my gate to await my flight. I passed a shop that sold books and magazines, and decided to stop in. I found myself buying a few books and wondering if Bella would have liked them, or read them. And then I wondered if we were still together, would she read them to me, so I could hear her voice soothe me as her heartbeat would speed up when she came across certain passages in a book. I found, while daydreaming, that I wanted that...just to hear her again.

But then, just as it always does, I crushed down those thoughts as nervousness and regret engulfed me. I pushed her away, breaking us, making us irreparable.

The call for final boarding for my flight sounded, and I hurriedly made it to my gate, realizing I must have spent too long in the bookstore daydreaming. I handed off my boarding pass and began walking the long walk way to get on to the plane when I looked ahead and noticed long brown hair, with the same highlights that Bella had in hers. The girl walking up ahead, nervously glancing around, her hair hiding her face.

My chest constricted as my breath halted as the scent of strawberries lingered in the air.

I glanced behind me, noticing I was one of the last passengers to board. I could still run, run far away. That plan was dashed the minute the doors closed to the terminal and I was forced to take my seat, luckily by a window.

I was trapped. I had nowhere to go but thirty three thousand feet up as anxiety overtook me.

The flight attendants doing their drills went in one ear and out the other-I watched out my window as the plane moved out to the run way, my hands gripping my seat, even though, rationally, I knew I had nothing to fear, that nothing could happen to me.

The whine of the plane's engines filled my ears as we took off from the runway, climbing higher and higher in altitude.

And then I heard it the minute we came steady on our course and things quieted down a bit.

I heard a heartbeat.. one specific heartbeat among a hundred.

A heartbeat I never thought I would hear again. It thundered in my ears as I felt myself try to catch unnecessary breaths as my chest heaved up and down.

Her heartbeat in a crowded airplane cabin.

Me, the pathetic vampire who can't live with what he did and make it right.

The cadence of her heartbeat torturing me every mile we came closer to London

"Edward." The voice whispered, a voice I could pick out in the biggest of crowds.

I decided then that I would run the minute the plane touched down in London.

I couldn't face her, only to have her push me away. I knew I deserved that, but I couldn't live with it.

I stayed gripped to my seat for the rest of the hour and half long flight, barely moving or breathing. The screech of the tires hitting the tarmac made me want to bolt right out of my seat. I waited until they allowed us to get out of our seat belts and opened the cabin door.

I ran through the terminal and did what only a coward would do. I hid in a bathroom, hoping she wouldn't find me. I figured I could hide out until my next flight boarded, that surely she couldn't be on that one, too.

Fate wouldn't be that cruel, would it? Punishing me this way?

I glanced at my watch, noticing I needed to be at my gate.

I boarded yet another plane, preparing myself to meet my family when I smelled the heavenly scent of Freesias and strawberries as Bella sat down next to me.

Fate had played such a cruel hand.

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**Thank you guys for reading!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, but my father in law has been visiting from the UK, so I've been really busy spending time with family. Thank you for being patient! **

**Thank you to darcysmom for beataing. Lynz, Nikki and Heather for pre-reading for me!**

**Enjoy!**

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The electricity was back. The currents passed back and forth between us, zapping and pinging me with nervous energy. It seemed stronger than it had been two years ago in the Biology lab back in Forks.

Stealing a glance over at Bella, I noticed how still she sat, as if she was afraid to move. I listened to her breathe, it came in quick pants, and her heartbeat fluttered like a hummingbird's wings. I was surprised that it hadn't escaped her chest with how fast it seemed to go.

But Bella was always full of surprises.

My hands itched to touch her, but I wasn't sure what she would allow me to do so, or if she even wanted my touch after all this time. My fingers tapped against the armrest, begging for just one quick touch, still, somehow, I refused to allow my fingers the indulgence, even if it pained me to do so.

I wanted off the plane.

Too many uncertainties hung around me, allowing me no control over them. As much as I longed to be with Bella again, as much as I wished for this moment, deep down I was afraid of failing again. Failing with her, doubting her and her love just like I had done before I left. Mostly though, the fear of her telling me no, or to go to hell was kicking in my run from everything response.

But I would stay seated, no matter how much my fears overwhelmed me. After all, everything I have ever done since she first crashed into my existence two years ago has been for her in some way.

The plane's doors locked and we soon began our way down the runway. I would be near Bella for almost eight hours, with nowhere to go, nowhere I could run to.

The blackness, the deep rooted fears I've always held suddenly unleashed themselves on me all at once as we began to take off. All of my worries and doubts rained down on me, making me fear the outcome my time on this plane. What if when this plane landed we went our separate ways? What if this is our last shot at things? My last and only shot at redemption?

The anxiousness attacked me as we climbed higher into the sky.

I couldn't let myself screw this up again.

My worries swam around in my head as I searched for an escape, anything to get my mind off of them. I tried to start a conversation with Bella, but stopped myself. My fears overruled me again.

What do you say to someone whose heart you broke? I'm sorry doesn't seem to cut it. And why couldn't I bring myself to utter those two profound words while she's next to me? I knew I was overthinking and over analyzing everything, but I couldn't help it. I felt like too much was riding on this simple plane ride across the Atlantic.

As the plane made its ascent into the sky and leveled out, long after the ping of intercom went off, telling us we were allowed to undo our seat belts, I stared at her as she continued to sit as still as she could. She stared straight ahead at the television screen, and I wondered, as always, what she was thinking. Why of all the planes and flights in the world, did she hop on this one?

I watched her chest rise and fall as I sat in wonder that she was here next to me. This was something I obviously didn't deserve, yet someone allowed me the chance to be next to her again.

Fate.

Fate seemed like such a foreign concept to me. I didn't believe in it, not back in Forks when she walked into the Biology room and tilted my world on it's axis.

But now, two years later, I was beginning to believe. I wanted to believe that there was a reason why she was here next to me. This second meeting had to be happening for a reason. Still, my head was filled with doubt as my heart and head went to war with one another. I only hoped my heart would be the victor by the end of this plane ride.

An hour into the flight, and I still hadn't said anything, and neither had she. I argued with myself on whether I should be the first to say something, or leave the ball in her court. To be honest, the last option made me feel like a selfish coward.

A stewardess came by, offering beverages. I politely declined, while Bella ordered a soda. I was struck yet again with the need to ask her how she was, what had she been up to, why was she here? But I just stayed quiet, afraid still, that she would turn me away and ignore me. It was childish, I know.

"Are you okay?"

I quickly turned my head, facing her, my eyes searched hers as I dumbly nodded my head yes, that I am okay. She let out a sigh and flashed me a small smile before leaning down to rummage through her backpack. She pulled out a book, and I was surprised it wasn't her usual well read copy of some Austen favorite, but instead a copy of a modern day romance novel, and my eyes widened in surprise. Obviously something I never expected my shy Bella to ever read.

I guess I expected a lot of things back then.

As she flipped open her book, I surprised myself by asking her in return how she was.

I noticed the quick intake of breath as she lifted her head from her book and looked right at me, cheeks flaming with a soft blush.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay, Edward."

I let out a contented sigh as she said my name. I'd always loved the way she said Edward, even when she was a asleep. If I had a heart, I am sure it would skip a much needed beat every time she uttered it.

My brain was back at it again, wondering where to go from here. What to do and say. The weather seemed to be such a boring topic and so incredibly clichéd. As did me bringing up what she has been up to, and where she has been over the last two years.

I was lost with no clue as to where my starting point was.

She flipped a page, her eyes rapidly moved across the words as she immersed herself in her book. The urge to grab her hand and hold it was strong.

As I sat there, I felt like I was wasting all the time I had been graciously given with her. A million words flew by in my mind, never making it to my mouth. I had so much I wanted to say, such little time to say it, and yet I still held back.

My hands were balled up in little fists as I continued to argue with myself. _Just apologize to her, you selfish fool!_

"Bella..."

The instant her name fell from my lips, her head snapped up, eyes wide as she closed her book. It was almost as if she was anticipating it, wanting it.

"Yes?" she whispered, biting her bottom lip in nervousness.

"I...I...umm..." Why couldn't I just do this?

Dark brown eyes implored me to continue, to say whatever it was I needed to say.

I exhaled slowly, as I looked at her, never breaking eye contact as I finally said two simple words that I owed her two years ago.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice breaking. "I am so sorry."

Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but I stopped her. "I know it isn't much, but I am so incredibly sorry, Bella." My hands shook with the need to hold her hand in my mine, but I wouldn't, not until she allowed it.

She looked at me for the longest time, as if she was searching for something in my eyes. She nodded her head, smiled, and went back to her book.

Had I just screwed this up? Was my apology enough?

My chest suddenly felt heavier, with a piercing hurt. _Where do I go from here?_

I was lost deep in my thoughts again when I felt her warmth, her hand wrapped around mine as my breathing halted.

"I let you run away from me once, Edward. I can't let you walk away from me this time."

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**Thank you so much for reading! **


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Can you believe it is fall already? I can't, though I don't miss the hot days of summer. Anyways, Hope you all are well. Enjoy the update! This chapter just might be my favorite one so far. **

**Thank you to Darcys mom for betaing and my pre-readers for reading for me. **

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The silence didn't feel so suffocating anymore. It felt comfortable, brighter even. I came to this realization as I looked down at our clasped hands, marveling at her heavenly warmth as it seeped into me slowly, surely. As if she was sharing her life force with me, somehow making me whole again.

She had yet to let go of me since the first moment she wrapped her small hand in mine. She held on tightly, as if she was making sure that I wouldn't disappear. I didn't know why it surprised me that she still hadn't pulled her hand away, but I was glad that after everything, she still wanted me near. It chased some of the darkness I felt away, but not the uncertainty I still carried.

My eyes lingered on Bella's profile, a soft smile played at her lips, a light pinkness outlined her cheeks. She looked happy, at peace and completely calm, like she was soaking in the moment.

I wanted to kiss her, just to see if her lips still felt as soft as they had before. If they would mold to mine as perfectly as they used to. If she would sigh in contentment the moment our lips touched. But I knew we weren't there yet. We had so many roads to cross before then.

"You would think that with all of the times you've looked at me before, you'd have my face memorized." Bella says, a soft giggle following shortly after. She always knew what to say to get me out of my head.

I smile as I looked at her and squeezed her hand before replying. "It's not so much memorizing as it is taking everything in. Things have changed, and I am just making inventory of the fact, Miss Swan." I winked and angled my body more towards her. "Even before I left, I would look at you and find something new that I never noticed before."

Her blush came back. "Oh? Like what? I thought with your perfect vampire eyesight, you'd see everything, I'd have no secrets."

I gulp, the urge to kiss her is growing stronger the more I look at her, hear her voice. I've yearned for one more kiss since the last one we shared wasn't enough for me. I wanted to kiss her just to know that this was real and that we were here after everything.

"Freckles. I'd noticed a new one that I hadn't taken the time to notice before. I'd find one on your nose, under your eye, above your cheek and another close to your ear. I wanted to kiss them all, I wanted to kiss each new discovery that I made."

She slowly exhaled, as if she was making sure to breathe.

"You are different now, Bella. I can't put my finger on it, but you are. Your eyes are just as dark brown, but seem wider. You don't have so many freckles now. Your eyelashes seem longer, and your lips, god, your lips even seem plumper, pinker. Your hair is wavier, and I notice new red highlights throughout it," I said, my silent heart growing with each word I admitted to her.

I brought our clasped hands up to my mouth and kissed her hand softly as I let out a deep sigh, then inhaled her precious scent. "You've simply grown up." I whispered loud enough for her to hear it.

And it is with that admission that I realize she's left me behind now. She's older now, where could I possibly fit in with her now? I am forever the frozen seventeen year old, while she's grown into a beautiful twenty year old woman. What could she possibly even want with me?

The panic, worries, and fears are back. Each one burned into me, scarring my already worn down confidence. I do nothing to stop it, I welcome them with open arms. Because what can I do to change the fact that now that she is older than me, why would she want me? Although, technically I am older than her, but not in human age.

This unsettled me.

Her hand caught me off guard as I felt her caress my face and I flinched back. Her eyes radiated understanding as she continued to run her thumb across my cheek.

"Calm down, Edward." She whispered such a simple phrase as she looked into my eyes, watching and waiting patiently.

It hit me then. She had only ever been patient with me. Back in Forks, she waited, let me do things on my terms. She may have hinted at wanting more, but she always backed off. Such a selfless creature, and yet I pushed such a beautiful, sweet thing away.

Her eyes flashed with love, kindness, and care as she continued to wait for me to get out of my own head. She always knew, always knew just what I needed. But I never gave her what she truly needed - the same amount of control back. I always took what she gave, never really giving back, giving her what she deserved.

My hand slowly moved up toward her hair and wrapped her dark tresses around my fingers as I tried to force myself to say the words I should have said instead of pushing her away two years ago.

I exhaled long and slow, before inhaling her precious scent, which comforted me, before I spoke.

"If you allow me another chance then I lay down at your feet. I am giving you control over everything. You call the shots this time, Bella. I wasn't fair last time. I never gave you a chance to really enjoy our relationship, walls down and all. I always kept close reigns, protecting myself in the awkward reasoning doing it all to protect you." I said as I played with strands of her hair.

" I hope, with a second chance, that maybe after some time we can be so much more than we ever were before." I wanted to kiss her as I allowed my words to sink in, I wanted to seal them in her with the touch of my lips. So I did, hesitantly. My lips softly touched hers and every electric charge I ever felt before in her prescience was instantly heightened, more alive and powerful. It felt as if our two beings were being molded together by the electric charge, strengthening our frayed foundation.

"Oh, Edward. All I wanted, all I ever needed, was just you." She said, smiling, her eyes shone with happiness.

She leaned back and let out a yawn. "Sorry, I haven't slept much in the past few days."

I looked at her, and I then noticed just how tired and worn out she was, so I unbuckled her seat belt and pulled her over to onto my lap. I gently pushed her head down to rest on my shoulder as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

It was heaven, and now that she was in my arms, I really didn't want to let her go.

"Why no sleep?" I asked.

"Well..." she trailed off, lifting her head up to look at me, into my eyes. "I wasn't sure if I would be taking a trip back home. That all kind of rested on you."

And now my curiosity was pinging at me even more. Did she know that I was in France all along? Alice?

"What do you mean by that, Bella?"

"When you left me in that forest, when you told me goodbye, I ran after you and I kept running. I never went home, Edward."

I gasped in shock. Her eyes implored me to listen, that she had more to tell.

"I haven't been home in two years."

I squeezed her tighter against me as I wondered just what had she been up to all this time.

She let out a sigh as tears welled up in her eyes. "I wasn't going to accept your goodbye, Edward. I couldn't, not after everything we had been through. Not after all I felt when it came to you. I couldn't let my heart down, or you down, because deep down I knew that you were simply running scared."

She knew me better than I knew myself, it seemed.

Bella leaned in to kiss my cheek and pulled back to look back into my eyes again. "I ran to your house, I begged your family not to leave me too. It was selfish on my part. I was losing everything and everyone that I loved. I know I had Charlie and Renee, and a few friends, but all of you were my true family. I felt more at home with all of you than I had with anyone else ever before."

"Oh, god, Bella. I am so incredibly sorry. I am a selfish creature."

She said nothing and laid her hand back down on my shoulder, her soft breaths fanning across my neck, sending delicious shivers down my spine.

Eventually, she gave in to some much needed sleep, and I continued to hold her. The flight attendants were not happy with that, but I wasn't going to move her. We still had many hours left to go in our flight and I wasn't about to separate myself from her. I knew we had a lot more to talk about, that this conversation wasn't done, but holding her would make up for the wait.

My mind whirred with thoughts of the past two years, my travels and failed attempts at eradicating this world of Victoria. I then pondered on just what my angel had been up to these last couple of years. With her confessions, I couldn't help but wonder if she still talked to her parents, if she ever said goodbye to Charlie. Where she was living now, if she was in school. A million thoughts flew by in my head, and it burned me to know I had no answers, but I hoped eventually that I would get them.

I kissed Bella's head as the Captain came on, telling passengers we were due to land soon and to please return to our seats.

"Bella, sweetheart, time to wake up."

Her head lifted off my shoulder as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and returned to her seat, buckling back up.

"Sorry I fell asleep on you, Edward and put a stop to our conversation." she sheepishly smiled, blushed, and ducked her head.

The plane began its descent into New york. I started to become unraveled, worrying and panicking about how my family would receive me, and where Bella and I would go from here.

As we touched down on the tarmac, making our way to our terminal, Bella's hand took mine. "Before you see your family you need to know that I searched for you for two years, Edward. All I wanted to do was bring you home. They've missed you just as much as I have."

I nodded, unsure of what to say as we grabbed our bags from the overhead compartment and made our out of the gate and to the waiting arms of my family.

I grabbed Bella's hand to calm me as we approached baggage claim. Everyone was waiting, and soon they all rushed up to us, grabbing us both into one massive hug. It felt wonderful to be near them all again, although I worried about what I would be facing once we left the airport.

Esme pulled back and grabbed my face, kissing both cheeks. "Are you guys ready to go home now?"

I nodded, pulling Esme into my into my side as I continued to hold Bella's hand as we went to collect our bags. I looked over at Bella, wondering where home was for her, if now that she found me, would she be leaving me? Going back to Forks?

On the way out to the car, I pulled her back from the family. "What happens now, Bella?"

Emmett came up then, smiled at the both of us and took our bags to put them into the massive SUV.

"We go home, Edward, and we will just move on from there." She smiled, and leaned in to hug me.

Home. I loved hearing that word leave her lips, but I still worried just where was home for her.

"Are you coming home with us? Or are you going back to Forks?" I asked, my voice sounding a bit shaky as my worries seeped in.

"Home is where you are, Edward. I have lived with your family for the past two years. And I don't plan on leaving anytime soon."

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

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